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    4 years ago

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Coming Out

Coming out is always a choice. It is not the only route for homosexuals.

There is this question thrown at me yesterday. “What are your thoughts about men who still refuse to come out even though the whole world already knows his sexual preference?” My answer was, “That's a little bit amusing, but I respect them. And I still believe "outing" is not a must.” The question is followed up with, “But if "outing" could mean he would be more assimilated with his community, then why not?” My reply, “It's really a choice. Could be that the homosexual don't like to get assimilated so he chose not to "out" himself.” Really, coming “out” is not a necessity for a straight acting homosexual and even pointless to those who are “obvious”. What is that for anyway?

I would like to define “coming out” as a gay jargon for the formal declaration of one's homosexuality to the world, the straight community in particular. It is like a debut for homosexuals. It is a rite. It is an event for seeking recognition and approval from a society the homosexual thinks he or she ought or still to belong.

Most reason that homosexuals need to come out to their parents or friends because they thought it would liberate them from the consuming repression of what they truly feel. That looks valid but does it really? Maybe yes and they deserve the praises. However, not all “coming outs” resulted to happy endings. There are still who suffer the ridicule of other people and the seclusion from the mainstream culture.

I did not come out to the straight world. I did not declare to my parents, officemates, and friends that I am having sex with other men. However, I did not assume that my non-declaration means I am immune to their suspicions because in one way or another, heterosexuals may have the faculties of knowing. Even if they find reasons to suspect, still, I find it unnecessary to come out, because primarily, I am very comfortable with how I am now.

One of my friends who could be mistaken as heterosexual revealed his sexual orientation by just remarking that man-to-man sex is the “in thing” since Keanu Reeves is engaging in it too. He did not claim his homosexuality to me directly but the message is conclusive. He has a British boyfriend now in Ireland and he did not come out to his parents and friends. Another friend made a pass on me when I was asleep. We did not talk about it after but the pass occurred several times. Right now, he is married with a child. There are other stories where my friends revealed to me their sexual preferences yet not all are following the same route. Would they still enjoy what they are having now if they had “come out”?

In “coming out” or in deciding whether to “come out” or not, a homosexual must not only think of the present need. Sometimes, they made the decision based from other's accounts, which in most cases are romanticized and aggrandized. Little they know that this could greatly affect their future because coming out is not applicable to all homosexuals.

In my blog hops, I encountered several posts with “coming out” as their topic. I learned that it was a sort of “blog-action day” where bloggers are encouraged to write posts that are related to a theme, which in this case, “coming out”. I am not sure on the true motive of the event but I hope it had presented different views where homosexuals can relate. I also hope that homosexuals would not just get into the bandwagon and should make decisions for their short-term happiness but consider the long-term effect of the decision.

Coming out is always a choice. It is not the only route for homosexuals. The best way to live with homosexuality is to treat it as a natural predisposition. It is neither a disease nor an abnormality that needs extraordinary attention. A person can be in harmony with himself and the society if he or she respects his or her individuality for homosexuality does not define one's humanity.


red the mod said...

Agreed. I wrote something similar actually, for the Theorg-y Coming Out Event. It's entitled "to define a man."

Trip said...

i was not able to read it in my blog-hops during that period, but i just did now. indeed "something similar" but urs is levelled-up. hahaha

Knoxxy said...

a good question also is: can you have a fulfilling relationship if you are not "out"? Without accepting it will the norms drag you down sooner or later?

Trip said...

it is not necessary to follow the social dynamics of coming out. one could always come out to himself. hence u could have a fulfilling relationship. problem with people in general is that they are always confined by norms.

rockylubrico said...

nice read:)

Trip said...

@rockylubrico. thanks and welcome to my blog. :)

ian said...

Nice article. :-) And I'd have to agree. In my experience, coming out had different outcomes. I first came out to my closest friends, and I don't regret that because some were accepting while some were at least tolerant. But I somehow regret coming out to my parents, because they are against it and it made them more suspicious--they tend to think that every guy who gets close to me is a prospective lover or something. Like, duh??? Oh well, there's nothing I could do now but wait. :)

Mark Blue said...

hmm... why "come out" when ur enjoying or satisfied with ur current disposition, ryt? It might just complicate things... ;)

ron said...

I agree with yo and one of the readers who left a comment here. Coming out doesn't necessarily have to be shouting to the world that you're gay, it's accepting who you are as a person and believing in yourself. I also wrote my coming out story in my blog and I wrote it to remind myself of my bravery, because like what you have said, not all coming out stories are good ones. But I chose to do it whether people would accept me for who I am or not. I only came out to my mom and my sister who I was very close and also to some of my closest friends. For the rest, I let them do the judging. I never tell anyone that I'm gay, I just leave them finding it out for themselves. It's good that way, you get to leave a little mystery for them to decipher.

Cabaltera Chronicles said...

Although I'm in disagreement with not coming out, I enjoy a challenging view point to broaden my horizons. You coerced a dissenting response that i hope you and others will take the time to read: