Night Out: Conclusion

Sometimes, we don’t need to commit a mistake just to learn. Knowledge in itself could prevent us from possible mistakes.

Tracing the path back to the bar where we came from, we spotted some taxis parked along the street. I told my companions not to hire them because experience tells me that these are not metered taxis. We continued on walking and see two interesting establishments, a karaoke bar and a gay bar. They are already closed. We cross the street and waited for a taxi.

4:30AM. It has been a long time since I stayed up this late. It is not good for my health. I could not even say that this is a relaxation, but sometimes I need to give in to someone’s wishes. I am now slump on the soft seat of the taxi who agreed to bring us to Mandaluyong City. My eyes are already on the brink of shutting down. I looked at our third companion sitting beside me. He too is quiet and perhaps making a rundown of what happened in our night out.

I ignored three men tonight. I say “ignored”. It is a safer word than “rejected” for “ignored” can mean indifference. There is nothing personal or relational. If I say “I rejected three men tonight”, I would absolutely sound arrogant and egoistic. Besides, how could one reject another if there is no actual negotiation or an attempt to negotiate? Maybe there is, but I do not want to assume things. People are always victims of mislabeled arousal. They assume that people have interest in them. They attached malicious meanings on simple sensory indications of strangers. A simple look, a slight touch, or a friendly smile is one big deal to boost their egos. What could be more egotistical than conceiving something that could not entirely be real? However, there is one question remains. Given that I have a good understanding of human behavior, why did I ignore those three men?

For one, I am not in a familiar territory. When I am new to the place, I observe. I would retreat to a corner and examine the whole picture. I would not participate and get involve. I need to get acquainted with the culture. This is the reason why I did not get the meaning of the key twirling of Mr. Red Shirt. He was not able to communicate well with me. I preferred to stay put, listen, and just watch. I would rather explore the place in my mind. Indulging in something unfamiliar is carelessness. It could even be dangerous. Sometimes, we don’t need to commit a mistake just to learn. Knowledge in itself could prevent us from possible mistakes.

Second, my purpose for the night is not to get a hook-up. My mind is not set for that. What my mind says, I follow. No matter how sexually attractive the person is, he could not prevail over my thoughts. Mr. Bonnet is very sexually attractive. He humbles me, I think. I might be successful in pursuing him but there is also an equal chance that I might not. I don’t submit myself to chance however. Between two equals, pride would be the deciding factor. Fortunately, this time my purpose made the decision.

Third, I always try to keep my standards. I always consider physique to evaluate sexual attractiveness, followed by observable behavior or manners, and then speech. Mr. Chinese did not pass my standards. I did not even bother to put meaning on his attempt to converse. It was my companion who theorized that he was possibly hitting on me, which there is chance that it is a misinterpretation. Nevertheless, indeed if he was right, Mr. Chinese would not still fit my preference.

Lastly, I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt, especially in unfamiliar territories. I don’t have absolute knowledge of sexuality. What I got is experience that does not always translate into rules. If I see a man giving me a three-second look in public, I may think that he is interested in me. Similarly, I would also consider other things. He might take me for someone else or I have dirt on my face. I admit that I could be the most self-absorb individual but I do count the fact that I am not the center of the universe. People act with different motives and reasons. It is not always according to what we assume. Hence, it would be fair not to judge them to suit our own interests.

5:00AM. The taxi made a left turn to a quiet and empty street. It is a Sunday and an hour from now, residents would be heading for church. Birthday boy paid the driver and we all got down. Exhausted and sleepy, I throw my arm around the shoulder of HB, our third companion. He hold my hand and said, “Night out over.”